Patty Farmer: 00:00:01

Hello, everyone, and welcome to today's episode of the Marketing, Media & Money Podcast. I'm so excited to have you here with me today. And I'm really excited about the guests we're gonna have today, because she's someone that I met almost a year ago and really made an impact on my life, not just because of business, but live. We had fun, we were at a retreat together, and we just had a really great time. So today, I brought her on so that we can talk about using the power of storytelling to create compelling content that emotionally connects with your audience, compels them to take action, because that's what it's all about. So let me tell you a little bit about our guest, because I know you're gonna love her. So Mel Trumble is a life transforming force and the founder of ZF G living as a life coach speaker podcast host and best selling author. Mel's mission is empowering individuals and powerful survivors of life, to make sense of the chaos and overwhelm, and turn it into their superpower, and unleash their authentic joy. Drawing from her journey of overcoming abuse, trauma and limiting beliefs, Mel shares, insights and wisdom with your candor and a deep understanding of what it takes to live life to the fullest. So Mel, thank you so much for being here with me today.

Mel Trumble: 00:01:25

Patty, thank you so much for having me on. It is a delight.

Patty Farmer: 00:01:29

So excited, because you know, we had so much fun, but one of the things that I really remember at the retreat is what an impact you could make using humor and how fun you were. And we stayed at the same hotel, when we were at that retreat. Some of the funnest times were when we were at the end of the day in the beginning of the day before we even left. But I have to say that the conversations that we had, were really impactful. And I was really impressed with how with everything that you've been through in your own life, how you were able to kind of shift that. And with humor, like you said, be able to make such an impact in other people's and how this really became your mission. So if you tell us a little bit about what that was, like, really to decide how you wanted to make it being your mission, because not everybody does. You know, a lot of times things happen, you know, I've had trauma in my life, and I grew up and I didn't really want to have it be part of what my business was. But for you, it's so transformational. What you are doing, when you're helping others and then doing it from a way that they know that not only do you have the credibility, but you've walked that walk to

Mel Trumble: 00:02:41

Exactly, and I think that storytelling is absolutely key. And we get to frame our story, I don't want to be seen simply as a survivor, because that puts everything, all the power goes to the trauma. And the power is really mine and each of ours, to look at what we've been through transmute it to understand that it is part of our story, but it's not the whole story. You know, we get to see things from our perspective. And we get to frame that. And just like we have emotions, and we have thoughts, those aren't automatically true. Right? You know, we get to decide, Is that is that the story? I'm telling myself? What are the conflicts that that's bringing up in me, you know, it's one thing to get triggered. I know that's, you know, kind of a wall, at my age, a trendy word. But it's another thing to choose your reaction, and to have it be your genuine reaction. And so for me, to reach out to my fellow people who've been through it, you know, what, whatever kind of abuse that may take, if it's, you know, domestic violence or, you know, a tragic childhood, you know, all of the things, like, I'm not afraid to say like, Hey, yeah, incest is real. It was in my household. Like, that's how I grew up. This is the abuse that I suffered. And I'm very candid about it. And I'm much more, like you said, a key and humorous when I'm putting my message out on, you know, social media or, you know, in different appearances and speeches and such. Because humor is so powerful, it disarms people. And they're like, I can't believe she said that. And I knew Latech Yeah, I said it. Yeah, this is what it is. And there's an exuberance in owning your story that I think is really critical to my business. Definitely.

Patty Farmer: 00:04:37

I like what you said about how it takes the power away, because I think that is really true. And if you can laugh about pretty much anything, right? I think it helps to put you in the proactive chair, rather than the reactive chair. Right, you know, because I know that I have triggers. And I have to tell you, there was a time before I really worked on some inner stuff. Right before I did some inner work that I felt like, if I told the people closest to me, what my triggers were, that it was their responsibility to not trigger it. I really did this, like, you know, I told you that that triggers me. And so when they did, and I would have that reaction, I would be angry, because it's like I told you I shared, do something so important to me. But now I realized that it isn't their responsibility, it's my responsibility. And once I own that owning my story, it's made it much easier for me to frame the narrative. And to be able to know that yes, I will be triggered, you know, you don't get to control what everybody says to you and every, you know, part of life that you're in, but it is so empowering, really, to be able to know that, yes, those things did happen, I survived, I thrived. And it made me who I am authentically right now. And so once you can do that, I think the triggers kind of fade away not to say that they don't ever come back up. We all have those type of things, of course. But when we have gone through something, it doesn't make us who we are. And we get to decide, do we want to be a victim and have it be a crutch? Or do we want to rise above that. And I feel like, we have so much more relatability in our authentic self, because I know that coming from domestic abuse myself, I know that a lot of times when people say things like, Oh, I would never stay with somebody if they hit me. Never do, right. You know, y'all know the situation that people are in. And I feel like because of the walk that I took, I do not judge other people, a lot of times when people do things, and it seems like a little bit out of character or something, I am really able to see that, that, you know, there's probably more of their story that they're not telling. And I'm able to receive grace for that. And I'm not judgmental, and I really am proud of myself for that it took a lot of work for me to get there. But I think it's really important. And that's why it's about the story, right? Because you can share the story in as much as you are able to. And sometimes you can share a little more because I know for me, I don't mind sharing my story, I didn't want my story to be a marketing strategy, right, I have no problem sharing my story when I think it'll serve someone or support somebody else, or maybe even help a woman make a different decision. So I get to decide, you know, because it's all about choice.

Mel Trumble: 00:07:25

Exactly. Because you You are your own PR manager, you know, and we are the CEO of whatever comes out of our mouth. And so the ability to choose your reaction, you know, or your response and rather than have it be a visceral reaction is so empowering and so incredible. And it's a bit of a journey to get there. Definitely I agree with you 100% Because my composure now, it was non existent years ago, it just, i anything i thought or felt just came out of my mouth. I heard so many people I heard myself because that that judgmental inner critic, art is hideously ugly. It's like our subconscious wants to cling to every negative thing anyone ever told us and spit it back in our face at every opportunity. And like I call my inner voice Karen, as a you know, joke on the stereotypical enraged woman at the retail outlet, whatever. Because dang Summit, like I would never say that to a human being. And that's what I'm telling myself. Now we get to rewrite that, definitely. And it's, that's why I'm a mindset coach, like, that's what you get to rewrite your subconscious. And it is, you have to repeat it again. And again. And again, it's not difficult. None of the exercises that I give my clients are difficult, but it has to be repetitive, and you have to connect emotionally to it.

Patty Farmer: 00:08:53

And I think sometimes too, I think the biggest thing I learned it was easier for me to give grace to others than it was to give grace to myself. But once I actually came full circle on that and realize it, I don't know if anybody else does this, and maybe I'm really gonna sound crazy here. But I actually talked to myself. So I do talk to an expert, but actually the funniest thing, and I still think it's hilarious. And when I tell other people, they're like, really batty and I'm like, Yes, but for some reason, when I find myself being triggered, or, or something just hits an emotional thing. I have been known to say to myself out loud, and I use my full name when I'm doing it. That's how I recognize I'm doing it. I don't even know why I do it. But I'll literally say, how do you former give yourself grace, you know, or Patty farmer and I don't know why I use my full name. I don't know maybe because my mother did when I was younger. But whenever I'm doing that, but whenever I hear it, like my brain recognizes it and says, Oh, something is happening right now. You gave yourself brace. That's a great start. But now what are you going to do to not be reactive and stuff? So I don't know why I do. With, but I actually like that I do it because I actually can recognize it when I do it. And it's always been able to help me to move forward. So, you know, people have to have different narratives. And I always say, you know, be careful what you say to yourself too, because you have a right. So I think that is really important. So let's kind of talk there. So when people have some of these things that happen, right? I think a lot of times it is a choice of what are they going to do with it next, should I share? Or should I not share? How do I get past it? You know, you we feel like we have these ugly things like everybody does. And I know we live in a world of social media where everyone thinks everyone's a millionaire. And we all have our full makeup and hairs on and stuff. And I actually really love it when people are authentic. And let me know that you know what I want to know, the good, the bad, the ugly, this is life. We're all having it. It's not perfect every single day. We're all dealing with our own stuff. Right? You know, yep. But when people come to you, like, I would think that they don't know where to start, like, maybe they understand that they have, you know, some things, but now maybe you're going to tell me this isn't true. However, it just doesn't seem to me or could never have been me that I would have thought, oh, you know what, I think I need to go have somebody helped me because I think I'm having some limiting beliefs. You know, I don't think I would have used those words. And I realized, Oh, I think I'm ready to do some inner work. No, I was ready to do that. But I don't think I ever would have called somebody on the phone and said, I'm really looking for somebody who can help me get past my limiting beliefs. I don't think I would have framed it that way. Right, Elise? So are there like certain things that if people are saying to themselves, or maybe they're hearing it out loud, it should be some things that maybe they realize that maybe now is the time for them, maybe it's the time for them to not just have to keep experiencing it, that maybe it's the time to be able to put it past them and be able to move forward? Because you know, when we're networking, we always say, Oh, tell me, what should I listen for? So I know when that's a perfect client for you, or tell me what to listen for? What should we listen for in our own cells that can trigger us to know that, wow, maybe it's time for me to get past that?

Mel Trumble: 00:12:12

I would say the main thing is that that's not for me, that's something that I couldn't do. That's not for people like me, I'm not good enough, qualified enough, you know, whatever it is, and to automatically rule something out without a little due diligence, to see like, Okay, well, if it's not for you now, why, for one, is this a self worth issue? Is it a self love issue? Or is this I need a duty to PhD in it? Is it going to take you six years? You know, like, what can you do to get there? And I think it's critical. You mentioned speaking to yourself, and using your full name, Marcus Aurelius, this, you are following in some big footsteps there. He is the first philosopher to talk about himself as you. And he recommended, you know, when you're investigating something within your belief system, to say to other yourself, because when we other ourselves, we're immediately granted this distance, and a perspective that, you know, like, for instance, and what I was just telling you, if you're saying, that's not for me, okay, all right, Melissa, and Trumbull, why is that not for you? You know, why? Because you grew up the narrative, I would always tell myself as I grew up as trash, so, you know, therefore, if you're trash, you're not worth anything. Right. And that is something that no, I grew up being raised by flawed human beings, that they grew up being raised by terribly flawed human beings. If anything, instead of it snowballing, it kind of got better. Not that my childhood was dream come true, but like, comparatively to the stories that I heard about their parents sweet potatoes, when they were doing the best they could with the tools they had. And that's an

Patty Farmer: 00:14:03

Important thing to remember too. Yeah. Right. You know, because a lot of times we don't get closure, or Yes, things happen. And a lot of that is because we don't realize that the person who's doing the abuse or where the traumas coming from, there might be a reason. And a lot of times people were like, say, I just can't forgive, I hate them for that. And I felt like the greatest gift I gave myself was the gift of forgiveness. And I didn't do it for them. I doubt for me, so I could move forward. And thinking back there were like two big things that I realized. So sometimes when you're going through the inner work, even when you're in the mucky muck, so to speak, or on your own when you're in the mucky muck, there will be things that will stand out for you that you can be proud of. Right. You know, I remember like two specific things. Yeah, so for the audience here, we're really getting down and dirty today, right? Let's rock it all because bathrooms that, but I remember two distinctive things. I remember one time when my ex husband was, you know, hitting me and really being abusive. I remember clearly looking at him saying you can beat me, but you won't break me. Like beautiful Amber's saying that you can beat me, but you won't break me. And the second thing I remember is, when I had my first child, I remember she was probably 30 seconds born, she was like, 30 seconds old. And I remember looking down at her and having come from an abusive family, like my mom wasn't exactly the, I don't know how I would even say it. But you know, there was times where she would decide that, you know, she was a little heavy handed, we'll just call it that. But I remember looking at my daughter and thinking the buck stops here, this will not be your eyes gorgeous. And I remember that. I think that I have six daughters, and I can look back and I can look at myself in the mirror. And it makes me feel so good to know that none of that ever happened. It stopped with me, it didn't go any further. My kids have had a fabulous life. We have a great relationship. And you know, they've never had anybody say bad words to them. They've never had any type of abuse. Right? You know, and stuff, though. And I think it's a choice. So I know that that's what happened to my mom, I know that my ex husband, he was abused, too. So it could have kept going somewhere. You just said, No, I'm not going to do it anymore. Right. You know, so I have to say that even though sometimes I think, How do you How did that happen? It doesn't matter. It's not even a question. I care about how it happened. And I like to focus on how I got out, and what I did and how I changed my life and what that has done moving forward, you know, so it doesn't have to be the the big story, right? It doesn't have to be a big story, you can just be a little supporting character, somewhere along the line that made you who you are, it doesn't define you. And that was probably the biggest thing for me that I get to choose what defines me, I get to write that story. So I love that you're doing this. And through helping those survivors. Really, you're helping them to, to tell a different story, or, you know, you're helping them to tell a different story. So when somebody has this story, how do they tap into this unique backstory they have right, and uncover some of the stories that resonate, that they can use to move them forward. Because if you're saying that what we can do is we can tap into those stories. And that can help us with clients and the people we work with. But first, we have to get our own story. Right, you know, right, so, so tell us a little bit about how you get from there to there? Well,

Mel Trumble: 00:17:50

There are a lot of exercises that can get you there. In my process, the first thing is to identify who you are right now, like honestly, clearly not with any attachment to it. And you know, how would how would the people who know you best describe you? How would a stranger describe you if like you were at a business conference, and you just met someone like, you know, who are you really what are you presenting? And what are you hiding? And then where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? And what's the gaps? What do you what do we need to backfill so to speak, so that that's a smooth road, to get you to that future awesome self, that you feel like you're lacking in some way. And deeply underneath it? What are the messages you received about all the areas of life about relationships, romantic relationships, about money about working about you know, all the different areas of life and really understanding what programmed you to have your your framework, your subconscious beliefs, you know, whether they're limiting, empowering, whatever they are, you know, where did it come from, and what needs some tweaking what needs to be rewritten. And because you can't just overwrite, you know, you have to be able to really eradicate it. You talk about neuroplasticity, in the news and people talking about you know, a brush your teeth with your left hand stand on one foot while you're, you know, stirring the pot or, you know, whatever it is. So just to kind of keep your brain working. And we can also do that willfully, with the messages we're giving. And that's when you get into like, you know, mantras and you know, talking to yourself in the mirror, just telling, giving yourself information about who you are, what you do, and the value of you as a person. And so that's to me, that's that's the that's where it starts.

Patty Farmer: 00:19:44

No, I love that. And I also like that, you said that there is this framework, but before we get to the framework, would you say that sometimes when somebody because of something that's happened to them, whether it's in their personal life business, you know, Know, however that is right, whatever it is, would you say that when they feel like they're not enough so to speak in one area, that it tends to show up in all of those areas, I would think that it kind of can stay just in

Mel Trumble: 00:20:17

One area. I think everyone's different. And so some people will just be like, I can't have a successful career, and it's very focused like that. And then other people, it's kind of like, well, I'm just really not so good at anything. You know, and but I do think that believing that you are, whether you want to say Ill disposed, it's succeeding at something, or, you know, you're inherently bad at it, or I don't have the skills. First of all, those are lies. And, secondly, if you can make all these things happen for other people, then you can make it happen for yourself. There's a chapter in my book, treat yourself as your own best friend, you know, so if you're saying like, I can't do this, if you're, you know, someone you love, whether it's a friend, a sibling, a partner, whatever. Well, why wouldn't you ask them why? You know, and that's leads to the benefits of having a therapist or a coach or, you know, mates, friends, who aren't going to fill in the gaps for you. Because honestly, the people who love us most are going to give us every benefit of every doubt. Whereas, someone who doesn't know you, like, if you come to me, you know, and we're having a, you know, a GET TO KNOW you call and seeing if we can work together, then I'm going to ask the questions, you know, and people are going to understand just from how I present myself that I'm coming from a place of compassion, love, empathy, all the good things. However, if I will hold your feet to the fire, if someone's going to work with me, they have to want, I can't want it for them, they have to want the progress and to be able to rewrite that story. And I can help them believe that they can and and show them how to do it.

Patty Farmer: 00:22:05

But they have done it, that is really important. I love how you just kind of said that about like be your own best friend. Because I know that my best friend has been my best friend for 45 years. And the thing I love about her even though we are so totally different in almost every single way. But I know that the one thing that we have, besides history is the one thing that I know that I know that I know about her is that because she knows me so well, that no matter what I'm dealing with, whether it's in my personal life, my business, like even though she's not an entrepreneur, she doesn't know anything really about my business, that whenever she answers me, she answers me and gives me advice on what I would do, not what she would do. Or just super clear on who I am. And she understands that you know, her and I would never probably do, we would never respond in the same way. We're just that different. Right? It doesn't matter. Because when she calls me and tells me something is like, well, you know, in my head, I might be thinking, well, I know what I would do. And I already know, that's not what she would do. And so being our best friend, he isn't about me, I tend to me out of the equation, it's about being of service to her. So I think that when you're saying being your own best friend, I think that's really, really true. Right? And we should do that to our own self. Because why are we so quick to judge and to be so hard on ourselves when we wouldn't do that to our best friend. Right? Exactly. I think that is really good. One of the things that you said, I really want to dive into the framework. But before that, here's what really really caught me. In the conversation when we were talking about having you come on the podcast, was that you were talking about how this can actually improve your leadership presence. Right. And in my mind, I was thinking I've always known since I've known you that you were a leader. So I would know that for sure. But I'm not sure that I would have put what you do, and how I know you work with people together with, you know, helping them get past our limiting beliefs and go from you know, not surviving to thriving and becoming leaders. Like you know what I mean? Like, I didn't put those two things together. But right now I really can see it so I can really see how that can be and what a gift, right what a gift that is that somebody who has been through these things, whatever they may be that once they deal with that and they go out into the world, that there's probably somebody out there that's praying for somebody to come into their life who's going to understand what they've been through and is ahead of the game so to speak, that they can hold space for them and help them to move forward. So I think that is powerful. And do you do that through with that framework, so I feel like, now let's talk about the framework. But I just have to say, I really want to understand that I want my audience to really understand that it isn't just that you have to have had some trauma in order for you to help them. That's not now true, right? We all have limiting beliefs. And it doesn't mean somebody had to beat you up rape you or you're not to have this traumatic life, right? have limiting beliefs, right? You know, some of them are like way big. And some of them are this big. But if they're standing in your way, doesn't matter how big they are, if they're stuck exactly being where you need to be right. So can you talk about that just a little bit before we actually get into the framework, which I know he wants to hear. But what does that look like? But I really, really love that you're saying that they can leverage that. So let's kind of talk about that.

Mel Trumble: 00:25:47

It definitely, I think that your biggest problem, your worst memory is always going to be the biggest in the worst. It doesn't matter if it was being made fun of at school, or passed over for a promotion, or you know, like, whatever it is, that you're not understanding, and you don't see that that fits with who you are, then that's where it is. And it honestly, people can be just discard because someone yelled at them. It like in the brain, it shows the damage done to the brain when children are yelled at. And I mean, what kid hasn't been yelled at, don't go in the street. You're trying to keep them alive, and they're willfully trying to kill themselves is what it seems like what kids are young. But those wounds or you know, the things that happen that startle us or you know, make us fearful or like, oh, it's not, I can't do that. It's not for me. Like I would say the key is it's not for me, investigate that. Ask yourself, why 11 D five times. Because if it if it really isn't for you, like I'm five foot three, basketball is not for me. But if I really wanted it, I mean, it was Charles Barkley was killing

Patty Farmer: 00:26:59

It, it still could be for you. Because I wanted to be a basketball player, right? Or, you know, a great basketball player that wins championships, maybe not.

Mel Trumble: 00:27:11

Right, right. Or I could coach or, you know, whatever, there's different ways. And it's just when you're following something that you have passion for, it may not come together as in the movie real in your mind, of how it's going to play out. However, that doesn't mean that it's not coming your way. And that I think, is it's not a gift, it's a it's a skill, there's a way to get yourself to see possibility. Because in the world, everything is out there. hope, despair, joy, anger, you know, all of the things are there. And so if you like priming the pump, so to speak, to look for the things that will serve you best, then that's your your brain wants is so bad. It's like a like a sweet puppy dog. It just wants to find the things that you want it to find. But if you tell yourself that it's gonna be like, Oh, that person cut me off, because it's about me, no, that person cut you off, because there may be a garbage driver, or, you know, they have something on their mind, or they're trying to get to the hospital because they have a loved one who's in the ER, you know, and so when we can turn those things, then that's where the skill comes. And that's where your leadership will flourish. Because you're coming from this solid, stable, comfortable place of being, and you're owning your value, and you're owning your space. We deserve to take up space in the world. And that's not something that Hello, growing up in New Orleans, Louisiana, this girl was still, you know, it was all about, like, you know, yes, you should be a shadow wife. Yes, you know, you need to be able to throw a nice party, and you know, help your husband entertain his colleagues. And I'm just like, 11 and thinking like, that sounds horrible. I don't want to do that.

Patty Farmer: 00:28:56

It is kind of interesting that when you go back and look, I remember when I was doing the working on the inner work, as it's funny, like, it can be so simple. Like I am terrified of needles, right, you know, so do almost anything to not have to have any i Not that anybody loves it, but I write I really terrorizes me, and I'll do just about everything to to not do it. And you know, everybody's just like, oh, Patti, I've heard everything from you just need to grow up, you just need to get over it, blah, blah, blah, thing, but when I was going through the inner work, I just happened to mention it to the person I was working with. I mean, just mentioned it, and she said, Well, Patti, wait a second, let's kind of talk about that. Like, let's kind of think about like how did that happen? Like, why are you having such a huge fear? Like nobody likes a shot? But what is the thing that makes you like, freak out and cry and get hysterical and you know, kind of a more pronounced you know, tighter hearing and once we actually delve into it, even though I wasn't even when I hired her For right, once we delved into it, I found out that when I was a kid and I had gone to the dentist, and I was scared to get a needle, that this would never happen now, but Right, but that the dentist actually told me to shut up, get over it and slapped me in. And so you know, now looking back, you can kind of see why that might have terrorized me a little person.

Mel Trumble: 00:30:23

Oh, no, I did was a bit so scary.

Patty Farmer: 00:30:26

I was but you know, and then I forgot about but once I got to get back, I got to rewrite the story. Right now I got to rewrite the short, I still don't like shots, right? You know, I still hate shots. But I don't have, you know, total panic attack, or whatever about them anymore. Because now I understand the why and what happened. And I'm able to rewrite the story in a way that helps me and serves me, rather than terrorize me. So then always have to be a huge, huge thing. Sometimes it could just be a teeny little thing. But anything that stands in the way of you being your best authentic self, especially when you're in a world where you want to serve others, right, you know, so I think that that is really important. So I love that you told me that you have this simple, effective story framework that you can help people with. And so while I'm not expecting you to like him the whole pharma way right now. But could you kind of like, really kind of share with so little of what does that framework look like? And you know, what kind of timeframe like I think, I think a lot of times people are like, well, what is this going to be? So you're going to be able to do it in a month. And we know that's not true, right? Because free tells you what all the stuff is exactly right. Everything else, once you open up the box, you know, you always find out that there's probably more there than you actually thought if you're willing to you know, do the work. But tell us about like, I love when I hear simple and effective, isn't it something I'm gonna have to do that ends in work? So by the deadline, effective before work, love, love, love that. So framework is just so nice, right? You know, so why don't you share with us a little bit about that framework? And really like how are you working with others to be able to go through that framework? And what kind of results are you getting for your clients?

Mel Trumble: 00:32:23

Well, the results are mind blowing. I, you know, when you do something, and you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I did that. That's fine. So I knew that the mindset work helped, because I was in therapy since I was in seventh grade, recommended by my school. And, and so I knew all the wise, I understood, but yet my life was still chaotic and horrible. And it wasn't until my second divorce, hashtag kanshi learned that I realized, like, I'm the common denominator. And so the buck stops here, just like when you looked at your daughter, you know, I was just like, Okay, it's on, we are not, there's no relationships happening. There's no like this has to get, I have to figure this out. And so that's when I discovered just the repetitive mindset tools, and I got myself together. And I mean, it doesn't have to happen in your late 40s. You can do this when you're in your 20s. I have a client who's 20, I think he's 23. And the difference is understanding that you're ready to change. Okay. And that's why would you reach out to someone like me, if you weren't, and then identifying who you are, I mentioned that identify who you want to be, and then understand why you have your framework, what is what is the subconscious framework is it that you have to work really, really hard for money? Or that money comes with ease and joy? You know what I mean? These are very different things. So you know, a lot of coaches talk about scarcity versus abundance. You know, I mean, I grew up having the water turned off, you know, we had like a piece of plywood covering the kitchen windows, because my dad bought a boat with the money that was supposed to put the windows in, you know, like, X excellent decision making, I have to say all around. But when you understand that, that's why I think, you know, or thought that you have to work really, really hard and grind grind grind. Well, I'm the second of nine children, like beans, one day rice, the next, you know, like it just, it's a perspective that, yes, you can change and I can be like, I'm food secure, and everything's great. I'm food secure when I have a full fridge straight up, like, because I understand what it is to be truly hungry. And the other part of understanding what your stories are that you're telling yourself is being able to recognize, and this is with the most love and compassion that I can give anybody recognize when you're telling yourself some ridiculous paucity that isn't true. And at first You know, when I work with people, they catch themselves, like I caught myself, you know? And then soon it just sort of turns and they're able to anticipate it and be like, Yeah, I see you. I see you, Karen come and gun at me. You know, like, I'm not taking it. That's, I hear your untrue

Patty Farmer: 00:35:17

You name it. I lead I named him and we named our avatars. I even named Chad GPT chatty, right, you know, so we name our cars, we do a lot of things. Why wouldn't we name that too? I think that's awesome.

Mel Trumble: 00:35:29

And it also helps other that that's not intrinsically who you are. This, we put together our subconscious mindset when we are at what starting at birth, and we're kind of finished around 1011. And then we kick in with post operational logic and we start rationalizing all the silly silly things that we take on faith as gospel. You know, everything depends on me, because children are little egomaniacs, you know, all that sort of stuff that we assemble and put together and believe. Just unequivocably like we just absolutely That's true. That's how the world is. Well, as you know, like, I mean, according my one of my milestone beliefs that helped me put together my trash subconscious was, I come from a Catholic family, and we were doing a service a church service. And my aunt was a nun. And she was telling us like, and I was like, I want to carry up the offering. I want, you know, yes, yes, yes, I want to bring the wine. I want to bring the wafers, you know, whatever. And she looks at me and she says, No, because you're asking for it. Boom. Okay. You can't ask for what you want. I still struggle with that today. And I know that that is patent baloney. You like that's just Nutter Butters. untrue. But I'm sure what you meant to say was you're being so freaking annoying. I'm certainly not handing anything to you. ADHD, like hyper, a little kid jumping up and down, wanting to do the thing. And she's just like, for the love can someone.

Patty Farmer: 00:37:09

Nobody's nice when you can find the story. Kind of like the starter story, right? Yeah. Kind of like starter husband, right? You know, it's like, oh, you have this like starter story. But now you recognize it right. And what's really great about a starter story is it's not the only story. It's just one chapter. Exactly.

Mel Trumble: 00:37:28

That's just one thing that you completely sucked into your subconscious and are living by it. And you get to ask yourself, is that true? If it's not true, what what is true? Well, what is true is that people don't read your mind. And as for the story, I told you, if you don't ask for what you want, nobody's going to understand that that's actually what you want. But then, in order to do that, you have to identify what you want. And if you're raised in a hive mentality, like I was, I was all for the Borg baby. Like there were no individual preferences are once you have a team of 11 people doing all this stuff, like no is a bit get in line, keep to the group. So everyone's gonna have their own flavor of what is forming their perspective. If you don't like the term subconscious, just say perspective, because we have an automatic go to have what we think is available for us, allowed for us. You know, we're too stupid. We're too unskilled. We're too that's like, what? There are people with far fewer resources, and far less intelligence doing exactly what it is that you want to do. So find a way how don't look at the obstacles. I'm not saying ignore them. You still have to address them, but look over the obstacles. How could you get there? What if that is a key phrase I use in my work? What if you could

Patty Farmer: 00:38:48

Now allow make that go? Yeah, I think that really is true, because sometimes they're just small stuff. And sometimes, they're bigger stuff that overpowers a lot of things. If you don't know, I mean, I remember when I was a kid, my nipping was chatty patty. Right? You know, oh, you loved your sock. And I remember my parents telling me one time on a car, that Patti will give you $5 If you could be quiet for 30 minutes. Like I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. Two times, and I couldn't do it. And but I learned then that I'm supposed to be quiet. And then you know, fast forward, you know, a few decades. And my parents are both passed away now. But I remember the day that I first got my first paid speaking gig. I remember that without even thinking I picked up the phone and I wanted to call my mom that I realized oh, cell phones don't go to heaven. And I didn't ever thinking mom, people are paying me to talk

Mel Trumble: 00:39:45

Yes.

Patty Farmer: 00:39:48

Shut up. People now pay me to talk. Right You know, so they live in like a full circle moment, right? Yeah, it was a full circle moment. But sometimes you don't even see the other side into your at this side. Like, exactly what I didn't even think about that story. Until I remembered that oh my goodness, I wanted to share with my mom that guess what, when people are paying me to talk, right at that moment, I didn't really think about it. I hadn't thought of the part about when they were telling me that they would pay me to be quiet. Did it affect me, obviously? Sure. But I didn't realize it at the time. Right. You know, so I think that number, it doesn't always have to be a trauma, per se. Yeah, I guess otherwise, we could just pile them up like a bucket, right? Oh, yeah. But I feel like this story. Like that story is really kind of defined something that was important to me, and being a speaker and having a podcast and you know, even the magazine, whatever. But really being able to say that No, what I have something to say, use my voice. Right? You know, yes, it's okay to use your voice. Exactly. I feel like when I was younger, you know, I thought I should be quiet, be a good team player kind of support what everybody else's idea was. Even though in my head, I was thinking No, I, I have an idea. And I think my ideas are better idea. But yeah, but who am I to come out and say, you know, whatever, where now I feel like, what happens is why don't you do the work? Now you just kind of have to rein yourself in sometimes, right? Because now Sunday's is like I have a voice. But that doesn't mean everybody still wants to listen to it. And I need to know when I should talk and when not to right. So sometimes I tell myself that. But that's okay. Because again, it is my choice. But it's reframing a story. So I love that you do this work with people, because some of the stories that they may have may be things like like you said, like, is that really the truth? Right, right? Is that really the truth? Like that is standing in the way from being the most. And it's not even just you being the most authentic, amazing person, but who are the people that you are going to help that you are going to impact and change their lives? By not stepping into and reframing that story? Like, yeah, we all want to help other people. Yes, I mean, getting us but like, I think genuinely we do. Like, I know, for me, my deciding factor when I make my choices is does this bring me joy? And does it feed my soul? They don't love us. And then for me, it's like, I just don't want to do it. Like it has to now enjoy and feed my soul. And those are real litmus test for me, right, you know, in what I do and my choices, right, right. You know, so I think that that is really important. So now tell me about the book. So I know you wrote this book, I love that you have it right there, The Big Book of bad ideas, love it. And that you embrace your inner author, as you like to say. So how did you get from here, you were going through these things yourself dealing with your own self? Getting some hell making a new path for yourself? Right? Yeah, being able to do all that. And now through Umer and telling stories, you actually are writing a book and helping others to, like how did all that come about? Because I think that is, like really powerful, because it's scary to decide to be an author, I'm an author, and it's kind of a scary thing, right? You know, very vulnerable, that whole, you know, you're gonna write this, but Well, anybody by the book or read the book, right? You know, your family.

Mel Trumble: 00:43:36

So, I've always my friends in college would joke about so when you write in your book, you know, and what's the name of your book in a band, I was like, it's the big book of bad ideas. You know, and I would always say, like, well, this could be the intro for The Big Book of bad ideas. And you know, and so then, you know, 2530 years later, I'm staring down the barrel of a second divorce and learning about, you know, breathing exercises, and you know, how to actually journal with intent to heal, you know, and I'm learning all of the stuff that I help people do now. And I was like, you know, what, I would have loved for someone to have handed me a book, telling me why I was doing some of the ridiculous things I was doing. You know, like, why abusive relationship after abusive relationship? Why? You know, just like we willfully putting myself in a career that was absolutely miserable. I was doing Texas for 20 something years. Yes, yes, my friend. If you have any questions about S corporations or anything like that, I mean,

Patty Farmer: 00:44:39

If you want to set Patty you have 100 choices. Yes, that would have never made the list. Right. Well,

Mel Trumble: 00:44:46

so I'm working at a CPA firm. I'm writing this book. You know, I publish it I'm sharing so my book basically is stories of poor choices I made throughout my life. Always always I'm neurodivergent I you know, would joke that. I thought my last name was a swear word. Because in kindergarten, the teacher was like, well, we're talking about surnames, you have a last name. And I'm like, my name is Melissa. Like, well, no, no. What if What if someone says your name and another name? And I was like, Oh, I know. It's Melissa. Because it was like Melissa beat GAFA tree. Well, Alyssa, get out for the house, you know, and I was always I was like, wow, her. Because people were too loud, as loud as I am. People were too loud, too. I was overstimulated, it was just very frustrating and difficult to be around people. And so I would just raise elevate myself, and have like a bird's eye view. It was much calmer, I felt better. And but anyway, so back to ADHD, too. So you know, I, but I'm circling back to the original point now.

Patty Farmer: 00:45:50

So, writing the book,

Mel Trumble: 00:45:51

I, you know, put out the stories, I say, like, this is what I did. This is why I think I did it that links back to this feeling and childhood or this event, or whatever. And here's some questions, I put call to action at the end of each chapter saying, like, describe you like, going through my process, basically, describe yourself, who do you want to be? You know, like, Why do you think you're doing this? You know, and helping draw people out. And so I've had my email in the in the book, and so people would email me, and, you know, thank me for the book. And then they would say, you know, I was wondering what you think about this? And so I would start, you know, doing that, and then some people actually were local. So then I was talking with them personally. And, and so then they were just like, Well, how do I pay you for this? Because I really appreciate your time. And I'm like, I like money. Sure. How are you going to pay me? Let's talk about it. And so then it turned into this side hustle, which I didn't recognize at the time was really a side hustle. Until we were I one day, I got a $4,000 bonus, because my billings were so high, right? Which should have clued me in that I was, they were not liking that. And then the next day I go in, and they sit me down, and they're just like, you know, you're not operating at the capacity that we expect for a manager. And, and so we're gonna have to let you out. And

Patty Farmer: 00:47:20

It's not you're not operating at the, uh huh, exactly.

Mel Trumble: 00:47:23

And so, you know, we're gonna have to let you go. And I'm sitting there. And thanks to mindfulness, I wasn't reactionary. I was like, how am I feeling? I don't feel upset. And they're talking and talking. And it's kind of like through like aquarium glass, like I, you know, I'm kind of hearing it, but not really, because I'm really like, really investigating, like, well, what is my reaction here? And so then they finally said, well, they could tell I wasn't really listening. And so the partner she says, Well, do you have anything to say for yourself? And I'm like, thank you. Because I was never going to quit that job. I was never gonna quit that job and go full full fledge into doing what I firmly believe is my calling. So little side note there. Yeah, disasters can serve you. Oh, take it from this hurricane Katrina and garbage to marriage, survivor, you know, like things when they shake you up to your core, that's not necessarily a bad thing, be open and curious, which is another part of my framework is to teach curiosity and to teach a softness to approaching things, and actually speaking to ourselves when we're judging others, because when you're judging others, you're, you're holding yourself back in that arena as well. Like,

Patty Farmer: 00:48:39

That makes sense. And I actually kind of feel like I think that way, too, mostly because of probably the work that I've done as well. But I remember when my girlfriend lost her job, and she called me up crying. And I was like, I'm so excited for you. And she's like, what? And I said, I'm so excited about what the next opportunity is. And for me, it was so clear to ask like, you know, I mean, yes. Does that mean? Like, maybe if you don't have a paycheck this week, you're

Mel Trumble: 00:49:07

Okay, sure. You might have a tough month or whatever,

Patty Farmer: 00:49:10

I get that, like, I get that. I'm not trying to minimize that. But it is kind of exciting. You know, there's cliches and I'm not really a cliche person, but really when one door opens like enough, closes another one opens, right? If you're if you're looking right, you know, yes. And so for me, I feel like whenever something happens, that maybe isn't something I would have liked to have happen. Like, Mike, my first question to myself is usually like, why is this happening? What am I supposed to get from it? What am I supposed to learn from it? And where is it supposed to take me right, you know, and I feel like, if I don't, you know, instead of saying, oh, Patti, you're such an idiot like, why didn't you write whatever, you know thing you do? I don't really I really don't do that. Good. You know, I may have when I was younger Oh, man, I don't do that anymore because I realize it everything happens. Now it does happen for a reason. Sometimes it's not your reason, though, I think that's the thing. It's kinda like, sometimes you're just like, Oh, is that the truth? Or is that a lie? Sometimes I realized that the things that happened to us weren't even about us. And some are just the blessing or the gift to somebody else. And that's why it's happening to you, because it's really good for somebody else. And I'm okay with that.

Mel Trumble: 00:50:23

Let me interject. Like, I would argue, it doesn't matter if there is a reason. What can you learn? Like? I don't, because I don't think that things are preordained, or I don't think that things happen for a reason. I think things happen. Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people, you know, like, that's life. And so then how, what do you see in that? And is there an opportunity for you? Yeah, right.

Patty Farmer: 00:50:48

Yes. Then you choose the reason, right? You're all and I'm okay with that. Like, you know, I am totally okay with that. So, I feel like I'm hearing what you're saying. And as we're getting ready to wrap up, here's where I really want to go. All right, where I really want to go. Now that we've talked about all those things, right, you know, which really, honestly, you're right, that we've laughed through this mile to this something that, you know, maybe for some people would really make them cry. And I guess, right, you know, sometimes where you're in the middle of your mess, you don't realize that it's going to be your message later on, or what it's going to do later on, right when you're in the middle of it, the mucky muck, right. With that said, everything you've said about getting through these things, and what's on the other side, you said to me, that being able to embrace that and be able to embrace that story will skyrocket your reach revenue, and raving fans with a transfer Meishan power of strategic storytelling.

Mel Trumble: 00:51:53

Like, yes,

Patty Farmer: 00:51:54

That's a powerful sentence. That's a powerful sentence. So I think this is just like a great way to allow you to wrap that up, like what do you mean by that?

Mel Trumble: 00:52:03

Okay, think about what movies have you seen, where they have like, the, the main character is flawed, and you root for them anyway. Okay. So we're human, we're flawed. That's simply a fact, I'm sorry, whatever your mom told you. We're all flawed. And being able to present yourself in a way, whether you're going to be the antihero, whether you're going to be the triumphant Victor, you know, write your movie, about what you're selling, you know, are what you're presenting, what do you want to pursue, you're always persuading people, whether you want, you know, sometimes I'll make posts or do different things, and like speaking events, and whatnot, because I want to show my authority, but I'm still persuading them that I know what I'm talking about. Right? And, and if I'm just, you know, selling, I'm launching a new package, and I want people to, you know, sign up for it or participate in it, whether it's an anthology or a group coaching thing, or you like, whatever it is, I'm showing them what it's worth. And the way I'm showing them is telling my story. I'm always telling my story, I'm laser focused, because I know that the people like me, who are, you know, neurodivergent nerds, biggest nerds in the world, I'm a huge nerd love it. Like, if you want to talk about Ancient Greece, I'm your girl, like, let's nerd it out. But you know, there are people with very pointed interests, there are people who have always felt other and outside of the tribe, which is a fundamental fear, because, I mean, think about it evolutionarily. We need to be part of a tribe, or the saber toothed Tiger will eat us, you know, and so that's why it hurts so badly to be excluded. Or, you know, like, you know, like, why do I care, but that's why it's, that's a fundamental fear of a human being. And the way that you present your story invites your tribe to you. And we all have one, there's billions of people, you think that you don't have, like, at least 100,000 that really want to be around you, you know what I mean? That's a very small percentage of the populace. And when you frame your story, to share who you are, and why you're doing what you're doing, whether you're selling widgets, or designing an ad campaign, or doing tax returns, you know, and you share, because I always would share that I wanted to help. And that's the same reason it's the same motivation behind doing what I do now. But when you're talking to a business owner about getting their taxes done, and they're breaking out in a sweat, I said, I'm just like, I can relieve you of that. And this is how, and then you share what it is, you know, whether it doesn't matter what you're doing. It's the how that people are going to hook into because they want to understand like, Well, you had such a garbage life. How are you laughing? How do you know I talked about joy bombs, you know, and you can plant things in your day. that will lift your hearts, it can be a photograph, it can be I have paper flowers, just all up around the perimeter of my office, because I just liked them. They're just pretty, you know, and you put things in your environment that speak to you. And then you show it to the the customer or the client, the you know, whoever it is that you're selling to, you know, and if you don't is selling feels crass, then you know, whoever it is that you're inviting in, and think of it as an invitation and connect emotionally with it. Because if you get jazzed, like, I've made more cells, because I like it, it's really excited. And like, spastically excited, just like, like, I do this sometimes, because I just get so excited. And I'll just be like, on a zoom call with someone who's like, and I'm like, Oh, they're gonna think I'm Nutter Butters, but okay, I am whatever. And people,

Patty Farmer: 00:55:51

They are people. And exactly, you just can't say the wrong thing to the right people. Right. Yeah. I mean, I just think that when they're your people, they get that right. Exactly.

Mel Trumble: 00:56:01

And it's about emotion, you bring your emotion in and connect your excitement, your morning, your, you know, angst, your, you know, whatever it is, leave hatred at the door, but all the other all the other emotions, because the people who are in despair, they need to understand that you know what that's like?

Patty Farmer: 00:56:15

No, I agree. I agree. 100%. And I love that. And I love that you're actually to create, you're able to create a framework around it that can help people because I think that is what is really important. So I know, we talked about a lot of things, right? I know, we talked about a lot of things. But this is the part of the show where I call hashtag open mic, where I asked my guests, if you had to narrow it down, right. Okay. To one thing, what would be the number one, marketing medium, any strategy that you're implementing right now that's getting you the best returns? i It's going

Mel Trumble: 00:56:53

To be storytelling. 100%, the narrative that I share about having led the life that I have led, and yet being at peace, happy, and having a joyous life and experiencing joy on the daily, and that that's available to everyone.

Patty Farmer: 00:57:14

I absolutely love that. Thank you so much. That's a great strategy. And thank you so much for being here with me. I really, really appreciate it. Thank you, Pat is great for people to connect with you. I know they're going to want to I mean, really, honestly, you guys who wouldn't want the big book of bad ideas? Right? You know, that's really great. She's got some gifts on her website, so many great things. So how can they get a hold of you

Mel Trumble: 00:57:38

Please reach out my website is z FG living.com. As in zero F's given don't give all of your resources away? Z fg living.com, please check me out, sign up for my mailing list, get a freebie and I look forward to hearing from you.

Patty Farmer: 00:57:55

I love that it's a conversation that's definitely going to be worth having. So I really appreciate you being here. This was really a great conversation, not unusual conversation I have I love it. Because we did talk about keeping it real, like this is real life, right? This 100 person really happens and stuff. So really anything that stands in your way, it doesn't have to be a business thing, it could be a personal thing, it was something in your past doesn't matter. Like you know, sometimes, if we all of a sudden have some type of thing that's going on, we go to a doctor, we did this yesterday we are we know, we don't have to do it by herself. We can hire somebody who understands it and can help us, we just have to find that right person. And I have to tell you finding somebody, in my opinion, again, in my opinion, that for what you are helping people to do, to be able to do it with humor, and gender, it creates such a safe space for people and for you to be able to like, kind of walk it, you know, kind of hold space for them. It's just such a powerful thing. And I just really admire you for what you're doing. So thank you so much for doing it. Thank you so much for sharing it with my audience and being here with me today. I really appreciate you.

Mel Trumble: 00:59:08

Thank you, Patty. Yes, everyone, please remember, life is hilarious. It's also all the other things but it can be really dang funny.

Patty Farmer: 00:59:16

That a big fat is so true. So for my audience, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening for showing up week after week. And if you enjoyed today's episode, and I'm sure that you did, please make sure to like review, review it and more importantly, we'll see you next week. Thank you so much for being here.